Roller coaster

Life is strange. You find something that you feel is yours, you feel like you belong there but then something turns and the same corners don't feel safe anymore. The same comforting walk down the street just doesn't feel the same. Something has changed and something in me does not feel the same. I guess things aren't ever the same at the beginning as they are as more time passes by. The ironic thing is that nothing around me has really changed but it's something inside me that has taken a turn. A turn for the worse, or for better. Who knows. Different, I know that. A new place again, new people, new experiences. But how long can I do that for? I guess there is no expiration date on following your heart. That's what I've been doing I think. I've been doing exactly what my heart desires. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe I've been catering to my needs too much, that I can't really enjoy the normalty of having to want something and not get it. I've been living with a motto of doing what I want and following my heart. I've spoiled myself too much. I've gotten lazy here and indulged in too many things to a point where a normal day didn't seem as exciting anymore. I don't want to be numb to feelings and all kinds of other crazy emotions that us silly humans have. I want to feel them all and I want to go through the motions of sadness, happiness, as well as disappointment and failure. Everyone says that without failing, you cannot recognize when you have succeeded. Maybe I need more failures in my life to feel more accomplished. Sounds a bit silly but, how else will I feel that what I'm doing is right... Is it time to move on?

Comments

  1. AnonymousJuly 22, 2012 at 2:03 AM

    Wow. Insightful, and very well-written.

    It's all a part of those beautiful but impermanent things one encounters on the road. A lovely transient fragment of time that blooms into existence for a wonderful moment before fading away...

    And in that place, where you are/were, it's easy to stay. That's why I had to leave, to see more of Cambodia before my time slipped away. There's nothing necessarily wrong with lazing by the beach, or following your heart for that matter. It sounds to me like your heart is now taking you in a different direction.

    And for me, personally, I think that it's time to move on sometime within 36 hours of you first asking yourself if it's time to move on.

    Safe travels!

    - Paul

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