The Naked Truth

I truly believe that there is a reason for everything. There is a reason why your eyes drift to an object or a person on a certain day, or why sometimes the simplest thought triggers a wave of emotions and feelings about things that were seemingly not a part of your life anymore, that were left in the past already. Our mind and body, if in sync, has an incredible system in place to send us signals and messages to warn about a possible danger, to warn us about a person who may not have our best interest in mind, or to simply lead us towards the path which is best for us. I am using the word “simply” very freely here because choosing our path, the correct one for us, is anything but simple. And unless we are incredibly in tune with our instinct and most of us have relinquished that power due to modern day comforts and such, then we go on ignoring those gut feelings, that inner voice because they don’t go along with the plan that we have for ourselves.

Well, there we have it. That is our first mistake. We need to pay attention to what we feel because there is a reason why we feel certain things. Granted, yes, sometimes we just want things and we are all over the place just wanting and wanting some more. But most of the time, we feel within reason, and our inner voice speaks clearly, we just have to be silent for a moment to hear what it has to say.  This morning I woke up earlier than normally. On mornings like this I usually would take the opportunity to do some morning meditation before going for a run and doing yoga but today I was feeling something more. I couldn’t put my finger on it and without knowing why that was, I called it sadness. But I wasn’t really sad. And although my thoughts were circulating around things that I have worked really hard to let go of, the past has a talent for sneaking in to our thoughts at the most random moments. Maybe not so random after all. I decided to look through my pictures and saw some things which I have saved as a reminder of where I was in my life recently and to be grateful that I am not there anymore.

I got up out of bed, stretched a little, fed the cat, and looked out the window at the foggy, grey sky. I went outside and breathed the fresh morning air. Although humidity was making the air thick and heavy, the morning sounds of the birds and the bees, and people getting ready for their day was waking me up out of whatever funk I seemed to be in. Once I got on my bike and put my head phones on, I felt more and more that the rhythm was coming back to me and I was feeling better. When I arrived at the park and started running and I felt the air of the woods gently caress my skin, my mind did what it always does at these times. Well, I felt happy and grateful to be mobile and healthy and active. But also I started thinking about other not so pleasant things.

As I have found out on my morning runs, that is when I do all the “talking” in my head to the people with whom I have unfinished business with or for whatever reason thinking of them still weighs me down. So on this morning’s run I had a monologue with my ex-boyfriend’s overseas mistress and I organized my thoughts about what I would tell her. My most important conclusion was that I don’t hate her anymore. I used to. I also concluded that it was never her fault and only he was to blame. That was a relief! Yesterday on my run, I had a “talk” with my ex-best friend who as it turns out didn’t really think highly of me all but the complete opposite. So I went over the things I would to tell her, which will probably have to come in writing and will probably only be for me as closure not so much to try to change anything since I have truly understood that we cannot change anyone else. We can only change ourselves if that change is needed and we can change our circumstances to suit the needs of how we desire to live. That’s it. No more and no less.

Hey, I’m no saint. I have certainly done my fair share of things that I am not proud of.  So I guess it makes sense in a way that I have come across these various hardships in my life. What goes around comes around? I guess so. Everything can be a lesson and if we are aware and open, it all can bring us to a better understanding about who we truly are and what we are doing here. And if we can all be perfectly honest with ourselves, I think we can all agree that we could be at least a little more honest with ourselves and with those people we have in our lives, the people we say we love. Living truthfully as much as possible is something I made a commitment to in the past already but especially in this last year. I am realizing that the less you leave out, the more peace of mind you will have. And of course, the less people will get hurt on the way.